whitened

haiku

sip hot chocolate

gaze at the glaze of white cover

first snow of winter

gift of courage

awakening in fear

not of the test itself

but of its implications

awakening to find

a joyous card from my daughter

professing love i know to be

her daily gift to me

despite the years of pain

she has endured

i will borrow

a bit of her courage and take

the test and its results

as they are

toe-stubbing comeuppance

haiku

toe-stubbing raw hurt

not pain but able to hack

my sense of courage

Vehmic

 judges and jurors secret

and beyond the law but sworn

to champion justice and render

swift punishment to oath-breakers

in the name of the holy roman emperor

positive they knew the guilty

winter sea gray

haiku

winter sea gray, not

with malice but upheaval

renewing for spring

Oregon Coast, Lincoln City

January is always tremendous in white and gray.

gambol v gamble

whatever i give her

she gives back more

i give because i want her to have

what she needs to secure her future

she gives to tell she loves

her generosity is making sure you know you are cared about and for

while my concern is with far-off time

she gambols in the immediate present

wishing fairy tales were reality

reading fairy tales by brothers Grimm

and Hans Anderson and folk stories

delighted by the imagination creating

people out of animals and objects

anthropomorphism has a way

of capturing our own delight

of wishing there were tiny people

to inhabit childhood world to be

our friends and explain what we

cannot understand about adults

and how to fit into their strange world

questions I’d still like to be answered

lo, these many years living

among grown-ups 

waste not

my parents’ early secret marriage gouged by the Great Depression

what they’d worked years to accomplish

wiped away as promised positions

disintegrated in industrial collapse

nursing posts unavailable

to married women

everything that could be was re-used, repaired, given new life

as money simply was not

within grasp of hand

raised as i was in their hard-earned

philosophy, i eat everything on my plate

and take home scraps in a ‘doggy bag’

wasting good food was sin-like

so, much of the fried ice cream left on

the restaurant table after our celebration

was painful for me to see, but, thank

the lord, not for my family who still

believe in abundance

blessed beyond words

blessed beyond words

i draw my arms around me

as my husband can no longer

and thank the beauty and joy

that fills me to overflowing

ready to begin again to try

to capture in written rhythm

and feeling moments of life

with its coercions

and limitless promise

full moon entangled

full winter moon entangled

in yellowish, green-gray, eerie clouds

fighting with brilliance to be free

of the fear those hoverers over earth

engender in mere mortals looking up

helping heal

so young to contend

with a disease that is robbing

her of sight

and now beloved father’s fight

with cancer lost

holidays have only so much magic

that moments beside Pacific’s turbulent surf enhance

but nothing yet

can heal the wounds

off on their own

how better to tell them

they are loved

than to meet them for lunch

near the airport before they depart

hugs and laughter over a hot meal

joyous with happy memories shared

to send them off again

to their own full world

knowing all the family is behind them

white elephant laughter

grandma watches from the corner

of the couch the generations

choosing, stealing, re-choosing

white elephant gifts, laughing

as the lucky numbers first drawn

get to choose again among

the extras wrapped for guests

who did not come

being in the midst of such love and joy

is worth all the years of struggle

comfort and taxes

strange to think of Joseph worrying

about transporting his very pregnant wife

when she ought to have been pampered instead of uprooted

by an unyielding government ruling

that all the world should be taxed

just like us with petty but nagging

concerns for the well-being

of those we love that nudge

then jolt us with the truth

of our own inadequacy

to do what we ought, let alone

what we want

sadly, nothing

applauded for disregarding decency

to find a way to ‘succeed’

they begin to believe themselves

worthy of the success they have

achieved when what they have gained

is of no value

i cannot take no for an answer

how to respond rather than react

to those who will not honor

fundamental respect for life

this i’ve gotta see

his roommates know little reason

to go home for the holidays

they listen, unconvinced, to stories

of his family gathering in laughter

or huddling close in times of ache

or pain or tears, being there to help

in ways he had not yet realized

he needed them

he may well have one or two

with him next celebration time

crash-scatter what we crave

blunder through life

crashing through the underbrush

of surroundings and interactions

scattering the beings that breathe

in courage and accomplishment

all around us without our knowing

unless we can quiet our frantic pace

to listen and watch

the beauty and joy of which we

are already a part

rudeness unacknowledged

 rather than acknowledge

wrought iron bird politely

faces away as california quail

crowd the feeder tray, wiping back

with their feed as they step forward

to advance on the birdseed

creating piles of husk and debris

on the porch below and behind them

Text & Images Template (Copy) (Copy)

I feel almost empty without EXHALATION to work on each morning. But the file for the fourth novel in the NANDRIA series has been sent off to the guru who can format the interior. Without my graphic artist, Bill Helwig whom cancer claimed this past autumn, i was stumped. Ben Gorman of Not A Pipe Publishing stepped into the breech for me and even found an artist to help with the cover. My watercolor sketch has been sent to her with ideas of what i picture - we shall see. Hopefully, EXHALATION will be coming out early in 2024. What a gift, to have such talented people as supportive friends!