end of what was

years ago, i sighed to climb

onto my new mattress

re-living the loss

knowing i  no longer slept

on the same bed i’d shared with him

who had been the center of my world

a dozen years i’d lived without him

until i needed to give up the home

in the hills he’d built for me

where we’d shared, in awe, sunrises

snowy mountain Cascade peaks

and visits by wild animals and birds

who’d grown accustomed to our intrusion into their natural grounds

too benumbed by the downsizing

of decades of gatherings

to miss what had been stuff of our lives

until the final item was itemized

for the estate sale with proceeds

to go to our church

as i lock the door on the estate goods

i stagger, empty, gutted

and drive to the cemetery to talk

but i cannot talk with my Earl

only look back up the hill to the home

which is no longer ours

and weep

and then, knowing he is in my heart,

wherever i choose to go to die,

i am at peace