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trials
i disagree with the plea to
“save us from the times of trial”
because it is through trial
that we grow and earn depth
trials will happen
the sooner we accept that as a fact of life
the less we lose of time and effort
to “why me?”
i pray instead that our lord
please stay with us
to strengthen us through them
paper to recycled life
paper to recycled life
more than two decades’ worth
of saved piles, notebooks, filing cabinets
accumulations of old poems, duplicate
plays for multiple readers, sketches
of scenes, descriptions of characters
now shopping bags filled for recycling
and, oh, the surprise found:
grandchildren’s stories and poems
in fat, just-learning-to-print letters
preference
competing priorities
configuration v view
bookcases v snow-capped mountains
home-like arrangement without peaks
v panoramic beauty and trees
and open area with western foothills
only a lovely walk away
dawn sings
sunrise glows muted
through light fog
its brilliant awakening of day
hushed but still singing of the glory
of our gifted world
learning to accept
parking my car a block away
because construction equipment
takes all nearer spaces
i look at the seven-story structure
i am looking to move into
the thought comes to my mind
and lips: “I am coming here to die”
surprisingly, i find i am at peace
with the thought
it is where i am in my life
although i know i will fight
to treasure as much as i can retain
until i know the end is mine
inherit the joy
spending my children’s inheritance
but they don’t even want to hear
my apologies
“I want you to be happy, mom”
what greater proof could i have
that i am the luckiest person
i’ve ever known
laughter here, and joy
prospecting for a new home
away from this haven on the hill
with its view for seventy miles
to the snow-capped Cascades
this gift my husband gave
in love and joined me in fulfillment
in joy when hosting the family
in contentment watching birds
squat and squawk at the feeder
California quail dust bathing
with one too many to fit in the bowl
deer peering into our windows
fawns learn young to jump fences
elk herds mow down the wire fences
an ancient cow elk guarding
the calves frolicking in our lower field
there has been laughter here
and joy
view of Nature
view of Nature refreshes my soul
nourishes what is creative within me
blindness might coerce me
into taking in what i have heard
without assimilation of sounds
chirps, trills, clicks, hisses
rumbles, snaps, growls, crashes thunders, squeaks, peeps, crackles
barks, yaps, yelps, snarls, roars
whines, yips, bays, murmurs
Nature touches our pitiful attention
in many ways we keep too busy
to hear, feel, smell, taste with the degree
of richness given to us
new challenge
wandering is beyond me now
simple freedom to explore
without ‘looking for’
but merely observing for the joy of immersing in the intricate interacting beauty
of natural surroundings
old age failings slow me
to study more closely immediate treasures in deeper focus
life changes
life changes in the briefest moment
dad fell, broke his neck, was paralyzed
so i recognized possibilities as
i stood suddenly knowing
i was going down before i could do
anything to stop or break my fall
i did survive intact, but know now
i may need to change my solitary life
although i love my home in the country
with unexpected visits by deer, elk
young bobcat, snowy owl, cougar
capacity sanctuary
a sanctuary filled to capacity
to celebrate the life and laughter
of a man given to caring
eases his widow’s pain of loss
when all we can do to truly tell her
that their lives have touched us
is to be there in his honor
toward celebration
great uncle Eli drew me to his knee
as great aunts and uncles and elder
friends stared, frowning at pre-kindergarten me for giggling
in the flower-scented funeral parlor
decorum horrified at the breech
by a child who dared be heard
among the stifled weeping
Eli looked shocked, pained, and finally
comforted, telling me – and all
his disapproving relatives that i was alright, even if inappropriate
thank goodness for the brave souls
who have turned our memorial services
toward celebration of the life
of those we have loved
random universe defined
if the world, the universe
are not attuned to my needs
then all being must be random
somehow smacks of arrogance
on my part
the assumption of a small child
that, if unsatisfied, i need only
whine and cry, and my desires
should be met
there can be no purpose to existence
if it is not centered upon me
cloud-bejeweled
moments
under a stained-glass window
or cloud-bejeweled sky
richer by far
than even ad-induced craving
at peace
with what is in my heart
rather than
what is within my grasp
render unto Caesar
decide whose it is
judge whom you will follow
bestow it to its owner
submit with gratitude for services
turn into a gift of appreciation
keep, as in care for – it may be required
offer, afford, deliver
reduce, concentrate, extract, purify
melt down, or it may be used
for annihilation
Aurora masked
my mysterious joy, Aurora Borealis
was vivid from Texas to New York
but our Pacifici Northwest, socked in
with mist and clouds, afforded me
no view of those eerily moving lights
that touch me deep within to remind
me to maintain humble perspective
painted white pumpkins
painted white pumpkins
decorated with curling vines
colorful asters
multi-hued autumn leaves
gentler than jack-o-lanterns
with quiet joy, rather than horror