toward celebration

great uncle Eli drew me to his knee

as great aunts and uncles and elder

friends stared, frowning at pre-kindergarten me for giggling

in the flower-scented funeral parlor

decorum horrified at the breech

by a child who dared be heard

among the stifled weeping

Eli looked shocked, pained, and finally

comforted, telling me – and all

his disapproving relatives that i was alright, even if inappropriate

thank goodness for the brave souls

who have turned our memorial services

toward celebration of the life

of those we have loved

random universe defined

if the world, the universe

are not attuned to my needs

then all being must be random

somehow smacks of arrogance

on my part

the assumption of a small child

that, if unsatisfied, i need only

whine and cry, and my desires

should be met

there can be no purpose to existence

if it is not centered upon me

soft fog

haiku

soft, translucent fog

mist-ifying, romantic

unseen in bright sun

cloud-bejeweled

moments

under a stained-glass window

or cloud-bejeweled sky

richer by far

than even ad-induced craving

at peace

with what is in my heart

rather than

what is within my grasp

render unto Caesar

decide whose it is

judge whom you will follow

bestow it to its owner

submit with gratitude for services

turn into a gift of appreciation

keep, as in care for – it may be required

offer, afford, deliver

reduce, concentrate, extract, purify

melt down, or it may be used

for annihilation

Aurora masked

my mysterious joy, Aurora Borealis

was vivid from Texas to New York

but our Pacifici Northwest, socked in

with mist and clouds, afforded me

no view of those eerily moving lights

that touch me deep within to remind

me to maintain humble perspective

painted white pumpkins

painted white pumpkins

decorated with curling vines

colorful asters

multi-hued autumn leaves

gentler than jack-o-lanterns

with quiet joy, rather than horror

clouds engulf the sky

 as clouds engulf the sky

horizon to horizon, only then

do we see the combat of currents

roil, stretch, gather, glide

layer, buffet, billow, darken

tower, menace, collide, twist,

rotate, rebound, slither, wisp

transparent air interactions

made visible by minute captive bits

of moisture and debris

warfare enormously powerful

mostly hidden from our mindfulness

gray-green settles

gentle gray-green settles imperceptibly

onto autumn mornings as our sun

scampers south ahead of harsh winter

yet the mood-resolving tint helps

prepare our courage and resolve

for endurance when only the depths

within us will carry us through

sing, laugh, cry

i sing because i am too small

  to contain what i feel

i laugh because the joke is on humanity

i cry because the joke is not funny

i sing because i live with deep joy

i laugh because my loves needs to believe

   i am well

i cry when they discover i am human

i sing because i am part

  of a great vastness

i laugh to cover my inadequacy

  and pray for compassion

  and forgiveness

i cry when i cannot do what i see needs

  to be done

i sing because i am only part

  of the universe

grateful morning

nearly all my life

 have awakened happy

my years of questioning

the attributes of God

have turned into a lifetime

of recognizing i – and no one –

is large enough to state

an absolute definition

but those years of questioning

the existence of God

were always dissolved

by realizing i would have no one

to thank for morning

butterball chickadee

a  small, butterball

black-capped chickadee

picks daintily at what seed

is left after other birds

have been at the birdseed tray

the sunrise fades pale orange

to gray behind him

as he breakfasts with genteel

unhurried manners

incompetent, again

remaining in gear at the car wash

while i dug for their money

in my wallet while they

were already spraying toward

my open window

so, i lurched forward

was yelled at, “Stop!”

and the disgusted attendant

pointed to the sign commanding

the car be in neutral

how many times have i been through

an automatic car wash not to know?

how devastating that a minute virus

can grind me into incompetence

stretch the truth

stretch the truth

as politicians are not alone in doing

mislead

while not a lie, is close enough to diminish

prevaricate

it’s easier on your conscience than lying

gain in the world

lose whatever you valued in your own eyes

water pistols

ah, the subtilty

with which we learn

to shoot each other

water pistols in joyous colors

or us to play the hero

while our buddies rise again

drenched, laughing, unharmed

arcade games with cartoon

victims splattered while blatant

noises celebrating victory

prod us to aim and fire at more

until a hectic emergency room

physician hears groans and whimpers

of surprise from gang victims

“It hurts!”

sunrise glorious

haiku

sunrise glorious

not belonging to those who

awake to alarm

i know better

knowing myself unworthy

i find it hard to accept gifts

even the gifts of love and caring

friends and family bestow

but they are hurt when i protest

that i am aware of my shortcomings

my pettiness, my mistakes and

the pain my errors of arrogance

have caused them

but i must smile and accept

though my tears sometimes

betray me and i can only say

what i truly mean

in hugs

cirque de soleil, my daughters’ gift

Cirque de soleil and my daughters

Cirque de soleil and my daughters laughing on either side of me

at the antics of athletic clowns and of Andy, the gentleman behind us

chosen from the audience, a good sport

Our awe at the skill of a sleek lady who could twirl hoops with feet, arms

neck, torso while in positions most of us have never been in in our lives

At the daring of men dancing, skipping rope or riding a bike

with another standing on his shoulders on the high wire

And breath-held fear for the safety of the man performing atop the rotating

wheel, or the one posing balanced atop the ever-taller tower of stacked chairs

And for those catapulted, spinning in the air to land on the shoulders

of a tower of men or, bound into stilts or a lengthy pogo stick, doing

somersaults before landing upright on thick mat

the story of old-time circus thrilling its chuckling, gasping

screaming audience

new friend

a new friend

from a part of the country

i know little about

raised in undertones

my childhood never felt

yet sharing a sense of self-worth

and dignity we both

must have known

since we could first print

our own names

palette of elation

simply to sharpen my awareness

of the beauty around me, i look

in order for a natural representation

of each of the colors of the rainbow

red, today, is apple (noting with joy

the golden-yellow, wiggly lines

descending from the shoulders)

orange – sunrise struggling between

purple clouds

yellow – leaves, as Alli Weiss put it,

learning ‘the sweet song of dying’

green – remarking trees in prolific hues

from chartreuse, pea green, avocado olive, khaki, bottle, sea, cedar, emerald

blues in luscious abundance from sky

to spruce needles to rare autumn

fallen lacy leaves

purple, magenta, hyacinth

and tiny, pink, shy, bell-like florets

even remembering this gorgeous pallet

of my world bring me warm peace

and hope for a happy tomorrow