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belief in self
(haiku)
white-speckled petunias
red petals drop cloth-looking
stand tall as if pink
“I” gone
headstones in old cemeteries
tell stories in names, dates and epithets
we can conjure but never be sure
loved ones may never die so long
as we live in someone’s memory
but that means “we,” “I” will disappear
“I” will cease to exist, even in memory
but was I not part of something vast
beyond my comprehension?
was “I” not merely a trickle in a brook
the merged into a stream that joined
a mighty river to the sea?
narrowing down
the problem with near constant
hurt is distraction of attention
to the rest of the world as though
only i were important
you don’t say
speaking of saying aloud
what we feel inside
brings tears to the grieving
the angry, the hopeless
and betrayed—agitation
that tears within us until
given opportunity to erupt
or—grant heaven!—to speak
on being heard
the aggravating feeling of being patted
on the head and told “there, there”
to a chorus of platitudes or pitying stare that assumes i am being hysterical
not only does not help but also
frustrates, humiliates and gets nowhere
the compelling feeling of being heard
having someone listen carefully enough
to begin testing for the consequences
of my assertions, not to prove me wrong
but in an effort to determine the cause
raises the promise of help
in finding a solution
so many help
some friends help so far
beyond my expectations
seeing a need before i express it
and quietly filling in gaps
i would have stumbled over
i am so blessed with family
and insightful friends
renewed hope
finally the head of the osprey female
showed above the high side of the nest
to give me hope of the survival
of this pair that has come each year
for a decade to ritchey road
weeks ago we watched the male
at work reinforcing the sticks and daily
from then perching near or flying off
as though for food for a family we
could not see and were concerned
had not survived the spell of nasty
weather that came down on them
not long after we were sure their eggs
had been laid for the next generation
scrubs not exactly bullies
flaunting dusky blue, white bib
and greater size western scrub jays
land on the curved metal support
for the bird feeder platform
and chickadees, wrens, even thrushes
flit away from their midday snacking
to allow the intruder full access
to the tiny yellow, red and green beads
in the metal bowl
it isn’t exactly bullying, just taking
what is offered by smaller
less assertive neighbors
not without sin
a sin to throw away anything
that might still have usefulness
child that i am of parents
who started married life together
early in the Great Depression
Mom left cupboard after cupboard
of washed, capped jars as i have one such low kitchen cabinet stocked
with glass containers ready
for second, third or tenth use
magazine envelopes yield large scraps
of paper for shopping lists or cut down
to 3 x 5 for index cards
rubber bands securing asparagus
are wound around a plastic tube on
my desk, some waiting their next duty
until old age robs them of elasticity so
they quietly snap at touch lying
in useless line where their lifework had been the ability to encircle and hold
together as mine was to continue
saving and building until i, too
lie down, unable any longer
to gather scraps or to mend the broken bits the world has handed me
or to enfold and protect those i love
until they can grow and flourish
water’s give and take
tiny waves sweep outward
crisscrossing intricate competing circles
between rows of feathered carrot tops
as each dense raindrop plummets
from the toolshed’s melodious
metal roof splashing, heavy,
into shallow brown ditch water
or trickle into rivulets gurgling
to caress the lowest points
of Mama’s garden
I scour her fine furrows
with the blunt end of a stick
trying to drain this overabundant
life-sustaining gift of water to keep
it from drowning her days
of planting, hoeing and
humming in hope
feeling earth
dust between my fingers flitters away in breeze i barely register
sand between my toes tenders memories of childhood joy
garden earth between my palms enriches past and future
for garden dirt that supplied our table promises to feed our family's souls
a trice or two
gentle moments catch us unaware
draw us into knowing we share
something deeper than words
shifts into catching our breath
the ululation of screech owls
claws raw the wounds of loss
while mourning doves coo companionable comfort
a sunbeam pierces thunderhead
to light a path between heaven
and earthling and soft peace settles
on a mourning gasp
moments without preparation
startle us into assurance
beyond grief or fear, if only
for that instant
aurora shield
without the swirls, draping sheets
and dancing colors
this time I was less captivated
by the eerie magic of aurora
but more impaled by the raw power
of these stiff probes of hazy light
that arch from horizon to horizon
battle-strength powers enclosing me
as earth’s magnetic field defends
its helpless life forms
should a weakness or break occur
within that spherical shield
the sun’s tantrum would – will –
engulf us in fiery fury unimaginable
shafts of northern lights
shafts of northern lights
arch from horizon to horizon
muted white, at times tinged
with green or pale maroon
rather than pink but strangely still
as though embedded in faint haze
third night of aurora borealis
from our sun’s upheavals, flares
of intense, chaotic storm
hurling fierce, solar winds
against earth’s electro-magnetic shield
how little we comprehend
our fragile haven amidst
the battle of titanic forces waging
so close around us
aurora borealis reprisal
faded but discernible
because a repeated pattern
of the night before
brightening along the northern
pine tops, centered below
the north star as dusk sky
to the southeast
settles into indigo
gradually that northern glow
grow turquoise, then aquamarine
and haze lines, long in reaching
toward the zenith, become distinct
some carrying dull greenish tint
other rays blushing like youth
caught glancing toward a centerfold
but still able to protest
“No, Mom, I never saw anything – it
was just there.”
bright sequined waves
glitter, glisten, ripple, dance
sparkle with reflected sunlight
painfully bright sequins
flash the passion of the coastal waters
in multiple competing tangos
as each breath of wind salsas
to its own drummer
dipping and swirling partner waves
in frantic and yet enticing embrace
in awe watching
in awe watching a bobcat kit
even younger than my first
lynx rufus visitor was years ago
newly independent but already
patient watching, watching
but not still, he sits on haunches
bobbed tail barely behind him
floretted forelegs extended
under muscular shoulders
pointed ears erect over
squarish head turning as he
watches, surveys, twists, watches
and then—he is gone
so young, but knowing
how to hunt, he is gone
live reporting, mjNordgren 5/9/2024 N