end of what was

years ago, i sighed to climb

onto my new mattress

re-living the loss

knowing i  no longer slept

on the same bed i’d shared with him

who had been the center of my world

a dozen years i’d lived without him

until i needed to give up the home

in the hills he’d built for me

where we’d shared, in awe, sunrises

snowy mountain Cascade peaks

and visits by wild animals and birds

who’d grown accustomed to our intrusion into their natural grounds

too benumbed by the downsizing

of decades of gatherings

to miss what had been stuff of our lives

until the final item was itemized

for the estate sale with proceeds

to go to our church

as i lock the door on the estate goods

i stagger, empty, gutted

and drive to the cemetery to talk

but i cannot talk with my Earl

only look back up the hill to the home

which is no longer ours

and weep

and then, knowing he is in my heart,

wherever i choose to go to die,

i am at peace

even i

retribution, ‘getting even’

are the steps a child takes

before she realizes her inner

strength and ability to ‘live

and let-live’ in the effort

to heal, not only herself

but those around her

still churning

still churning within

at the thought of his sneaky

non-confrontational, taking ways

never satisfied, never responsible

no wonder i have not talked

about him in many years

his problem outlook on life

i cannot allow to destroy

my peace and joy

it isn’t courage

“You don’t have the courage to have an affair!” left me open-mouthed and staring

It isn’t courage that is required to betray

“Let Putin do whatever the hell he wants!” leaves the world gasping and shaking their heads

It isn’t revenge that gifts peace

sound haiku

whisper if you hear

shout and lose touch with nature

listen, understand

tarnished rules

rules are sometimes stupid, like the old one where, if two

drivers came to a four-way stop at the same time,

each must wait until the other had gone

but rules are attempts to prevent chaos, to lessen anarchy

so we can live at peace

thus, we are upset and discouraged by trending attitudes of

“I can do whatever I want”

a recent clothes shopping trip where several women before me

left the clothes they didn’t want in heaps around the dressing room

or vacationers who littered and damaged their rented spot

or anger in traffic escalating into gun violence

or, at our local school, a pair of youngsters planning to beat up

a fellow student, but when a teacher intervened, beat and hurt her, too

perhaps we need to simplify and turn again

to the Golden Rule